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An Open Letter to Rob Zombie
Dear Rob,
I’m keeping this short, because there isn’t that much to say. Up until this afternoon I thought that you were a filmmaker who had a lot of promise. The Devil’s Rejects in my opinion is one of the greatest underrated masterpieces ever. I used to think of you as someone who had a really refreshing point of view, who could emerge as a vital player in contemporary popular cinema. I guess I thought wrong.
Today I saw Halloween 2, a movie that you wrote, directed, and had final cut on. Well guess what? It was a hackneyed, pointless mess of a film with nothing to say and no sense of suspense. While your previous Halloween film seemed to be striving towards something truly brilliant, all of that was squandered with this pointless collection of underwhelming scenes. In the past I used to defend you with enthusiasm, but now it seems there is nobody to blame but you. I left the theater thinking that I had made a mistake in thinking that you were talented, and that everything you might have had in you as a filmmaker had been used up in your first three features.
Still, I think there are some things you can do to get your stride back. Here are a few of them:
1. STOP CASTING YOUR WIFE IN YOUR MOVIES
yes, we all know that you have a beautiful wife that you clearly love, but unless there’s a character for her to play that really serves the story, leave her out of it. Her role in H2 was what really pushed it over the edge into horrible. In fact (with the exception of the Devil’s Rejects) the majority of your past efforts have suffered because you are giving her too much screen time. She was great as Baby Firefly, but she’s not suited for all roles, and you need to get that through your head.
2. DONT MAKE SLASHER FILMS
honestly, the slasher film is a very boring by the book sort of genre that relies entirely on suspense. you are really great at making character driven, American gothic movies with a strong psychological bent. When you try and make a slasher film like H2, it doesn’t work because its hard to get around the formulaic structure. Stick to what you’re good at.
3. WORK WITH A GOOD EDITOR
i know that getting final cut is a really exciting thing for any director, but H2 had some very unecessary scenes. For example, Malcolm McDowell is certainly a legend, but his whole plot was very redundant and boring. Dr. Loomis being a prick just wasn’t a compelling sub plot, and it shouldn’t have made it off the cutting room floor.
If you follow these three steps, maybe you can actually grow as a filmmaker. If not, you’re likely to keep treading water. Keep that in mind.
Your former fan,
Samantha
PS
If you’re looking for an editor, I’m available!
